day 168: on the battlefield

I've been in the midst of a battle all day.

Sadly, the only person I'm fighting is myself.

Not that I've wanted to be.

But that's how the day took shape.

Grouchy, tired, irritated, guilty, overwhelmed, ticked, frustrated, inconvenienced, ignored.

And the surprising part is, I don't even feel that I've had a bad day, per se.

(sigh)

Battling is decidedly hard and undesirable.

Even when you're only fighting with yourself.

As soon as you add more players into that messy game, it becomes exponentially complicated. And harder. And even more undesirable.

I'll simply never understand, or comprehend, or even fully and completely appreciate the fighting that he has done. That he still does. That he'll always continue to do.

Sometimes, on days like today, I wonder if my emotions, thoughts, worries, frustrations....somehow mimic his. I hope not. But I wonder.