I just miss you

Aaron -

Of the people that read my writings, most probably think I tend to be a sad, depressed, pathetic person. You, though, know me the best, and I think tonight, only you know perfectly how I feel this very moment.

I couldn't have asked for a better past 4 or so days that I just spent with you. I simply had it made. I had your hand to hold whenever I wanted. I had you to pick on me....and yes, I did miss that. I had you to snuggle up next to when we watched a movie or two. I had you to spend hours with in the car, as we saw new things, laughed at hilarious things, wondered about things....together. I had you to buy me dinner, and I didn't have to cook. You even went way out of your way to find my favorite restaurant to eat at, when you certainly didn't have to. I didn't have to Skype you, because you were right there in front of me.

Believe me when I say that I tried hard this morning (each time) to not cry in front of you. I know how you don't like tears. But my mind kept thinking things like: only 2 more hours left, this is the last time you'll ride in the car with him, the last time you'll hug him, etc.

When my plane taxied the runway at Jacksonville, I felt my heels dragging behind, trying to make things stop. It didn't work.

Tonight I know you're feeling the same way, because you went to bed without even calling. I don't blame you. Sometimes I think it's just better for me to pass the time by sleeping the hours away, as if it will in some way make time go faster.

I need to finish this up. I have a bed-mate for the night who sees how sad I am, and she knows that the little way she can help is to keep her mom company.

I want you to know these things, things that I too often don't make a point to tell you:

1.) After 12 years of being by your side, it never gets old. I never tire of talking with you, and it seems that we seldom run out of things to say. Thank you for always doing your best to understand my words, and my silence.

2.) Sometimes I wonder why, and how, you've put up with me for this long. I am the queen of making mistakes and thinking I've got it all figured out, only for you to love me enough to point out the truth in it all. I love you for that, and for the fact that, despite it all, you still love me.

3.) I only somewhat agree with what you told me today, when you gave me my last hug for a while. You told me to not cry, because these months will be over before we know it. I know they will....kind of. Because this time in between really sucks.

4.) I love you.